Another Story...

Heres my story so far:


Ding Dong "I'll get that!" I shouted loudly.
"Woah, Woah, Woah slow down, Malia!" Dad called from upstairs.
I stopped suddently and rolled my eyes. After, I took a big, deep breath and started running towards the door.
As I opened the white door a man appeared with a massive mustach above his lips. "Cool mustache," I greeted.
"Thanks."
He wore a dark green suit that had capris which lookes so cool and his shirt was like a shirt capris. I know shirt capris isn't a real word, I guess I'm just... making things up again.
"Sooo." He sounded as if he wanted to leave instently.
"Excuse me," he started again, "i would like to give this package to your dad. Or mom." He coughed after. It sounded like he was pretending, but I could tell he wasn't.
"Oh, um my dads home, I mean... you could give him the package."
"Yeah right," he said sorcasticly.
"Well, hes in the kitchen." I paused.
The man peered over my shoulder wildly, but yet silently.
"Oh," he whispeared.
I held out the palm of my hand, stiffly waiting for a shake back, but instead the man walked right past me like he didn't even notice a bit of a second strike tick.
How rude I thought to myself. Oh well, maybe he will be nice a little latter, when I actually bring him into the conversation. He's just here for a package its not like a meeting. Oh well.
Pausing again, I walked into my room. I didn't know what to do. School was just about to close. For summer break. I love school. Not like many other kids, but you get a goodd education to become what you want when you grow up. Like a docter. You really have to study hard for that! I wanted to become a pharmisist- just like my mom.
I hugged my giant brown teddy bear. It was a gift from my dad a few years ago.

I hope you all like it.
Some mistakes might apply

thanks, Hazza!

You're welcome!

I'm going to make changes and add thing on. thanks for a comment

this is really good (: you should really continue it!

thanks Camryn! I am going to continue it and edit as well.

I updated my story, but didn't want to add on to the origanal.
Heres the new one:



Ding Dong "I'll get that!" I shouted loudly.
"Woah, Woah, Woah slow down, Malia!" Dad called from upstairs.
I stopped suddently and rolled my eyes. After, I took a big, deep breath and started running towards the door.
As I opened the white door a man appeared with a massive mustach above his lips. "Cool mustache," I greeted.
"Thanks."
He wore a dark green suit that had capris which lookes so cool and his shirt was like a shirt capris. I know shirt capris isn't a real word, I guess I'm just... making things up again.
"Sooo." He sounded as if he wanted to leave instently.
"Excuse me," he started again, "i would like to give this package to your dad. Or mom." He coughed after. It sounded like he was pretending, but I could tell he wasn't.
"Oh, um my dads home, I mean... you could give him the package."
"Yeah right," he said sorcasticly.
"Well, hes in the kitchen." I paused.
The man peered over my shoulder wildly, but yet silently.
"Oh," he whispeared.
I held out the palm of my hand, stiffly waiting for a shake back, but instead the man walked right past me like he didn't even notice a bit of a second strike tick.
How rude I thought to myself. Oh well, maybe he will be nice a little latter, when I actually bring him into the conversation. He's just here for a package its not like a meeting. Oh well.
Pausing again, I walked into my room. I didn't know what to do. School was just about to close. For summer break. I love school. Not like many other kids, but you get a good education to become what you want when you grow up. Like a docter. You really have to study hard for that! I wanted to become a pharmisist- just like my mom.
I hugged my giant brown teddy bear. It was a gift from my dad a few years ago. I also snuggled myself in my warm blanket my Grandmom knitted. I have a lot of cool stuff from my family and friends.
Glancing at my bedroom wall clock, I suddently relized it was 1:48 P.M. I did have enough time to deliver my post cards in the mail, I had forgotten yesterday. I just noted that.
Looking down the flight for stairs I walked down to see if the man was still there. I could tell he was up to something. I just needed to figure that out.
I'm Malia and I'm a detective. I help solve clues and better yet, I always do. I garuntee, you'll just have to believe me. I always solve it and never not solve. I don't get paid, but you will have to trade me in something like rocks or... you know a stuffed animal. Things like that. Toys will do fine, too.
Since, I always solve mysteries just fine you'll have to trade me first and then I start my mission.
Well... you see... once my friend loss her pet bunny and... well... I kinda... well a.... she traded me a cool old fashion coin. When I started my mission I couldn't find her bunny and I had been searching for... about a week I'd say. I told her I could not find her pet and she... she got a refund. I work harder this time more than last time. I just needed to wait for someone to ask me. They all knew I was going to help them and make smiles appear on their unhappy faces.
I just needed to watch out for that.

This sounds really good

uh huh thanks

Cool story!

I really like it, Ag! <3 Great job and keep it up.

This is awesome, keep it up Ag! (:

this is an awesome story!

It's so good! I love it <33